I'm glad I didn't know...

I would have never signed up for this if I had known what it would be like...but I am lucky to be here, and (in some sick way) I am enjoying it (a little).  Every day I go through the same range of emotions; I feel like a complete idiot (several times a day), I believe that there is no way I can actually do this (again, several times a day), and then I convince myself that I can (or I at least have to try).  And then there is the exhaustion, frustration (because my brain doesn't want to hold anymore information), and fear of failing...  Today was pretty tough.  I feel like "the slow medical student", and like school is kicking my butt (really hard).  I'm told this is all normal...what is this...a cult??    They say that you'll probably graduate, if you're still here in December (statistically).  So that's my goal - forget about GPA, or any additional work.  I can live with being the dumbest person in my class - someone has to do it.  I have never been such an under achiever before...   Jen

Procrastinating...

There are 5 stages that we go through every time we study for a test.  I'm still in the first one...for now...   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcdRT0Xv2RU   Jen

It's Orange Friday!

I get to go to the OSU game tomorrow, and I'm really excited!  Two of my classmates are going with us.  We have a biochem test on Tuesday, so we're going to study on the way there while Brett plays chauffeur.  That will probably be the most exciting hour of his whole day...  We are going to quiz each other, and we decided that Brett can try to guess some of the answers (so he can feel included)...it will be like a game show (great idea, Annie!).  Speaking of Brett, he has been incredible!  He makes me dinner, buys the groceries, washes the laundry, and buys me flowers.  He just keeps surprising me....  Tonight he has a surprise dinner planned.  It's funny, but I know my entire class feels this way too...I look forward to the smallest things...a tv show, a lunch break - sometimes just getting the full 10 minute break between lectures (we very frequently get shorted, because class runs over).  So something as big as a "surprise dinner", or a football game with friends is a huge reward, and it's close enough that it feels real.  Christmas break feels like a lifetime away... Jen

"Here, have a heart"

That's what one of our professors said as she handed me our cadaver's heart.  It's pretty amazing when you think about how much the heart does, and that it never gets to rest.  There are so many things that have to go exactly as planned...and that's just one part of the body.    We're also dissecting the lungs; two of the cadaver's had lung cancer - it had metastasized and there are tumors attached to the inside of the rib cage (one of those was a surprise - not listed as the cause of death).  We're learning about how cancer develops - it's weird that we can understand how it happens.  Our bodies are an intricate combination of delicate structures and exact reactions, yet we have so much resilience.  Even science proves that we can't be the result of some random accident.    Jen

Random Thoughts...

My study carrel feels like a jail cell...Dr. Page warned me about this...   We had our first mini practical for OMM today.  It was easy.  Finally, something easy in med school!!  I just realized that we have our second histo test and 2 midterms the second week in October; that's going to be a fun week.    They changed the radiology class drastically from last year, so none of us really knows what to expect.  We only have lecture once a week, the professors fly through the images, and we're not really sure what we're looking at...I have a feeling this is either going to be pretty easy, or really hard.    We sure do see a lot of abnormalities, considering we are supposed to be learning what is normal...and I love how all the profs act like we can absorb everything they say, and immediately translate it into a diagnosis.  They know we can't possibly know everything, but they have really good poker faces...   Jen

What Happens When...

You take a bunch of type A people, put them in a high stress environment (higher than normal), and expect them to perform in ways that seem impossible?  You create a very emotional environment...and med school is born...  It's only been a month, but it is normal (and perfectly okay) to cry at school.  It doesn't matter if you're in the middle of class (just don't disrupt the lecture), or in between classes (hey, we're type A; we can have a total break down, and be ready for the next class in 10 minutes).  I felt like crying right before the first histo test...    We've already had one classmate quit (he would've made a great doctor), and many others have seriously considered quitting.  They encourage us to support each other, because (no matter what your situation, or how you're doing so far) we all understand how this can break a person.  Everyone knows that med school is hard...but it is much harder than I expected.  No worries...that's normal, too.  I try to remind myself that they are very careful in the selection process - meaning that if they accept you, they know you can do it (some days that actually makes me feel better).  Now it's up to each of us to finish.   I don't even feel like a med student yet, but I do feel like I've been here a while...   Jen

Today was a Good Day

OSU is helping with the Cleveland Health Fair tomorrow, and I am working at the blood pressure booth in the morning.  I am really excited; maybe this will help me remember why I am putting myself through this...    I slept really well the last three nights, and felt great this morning (for the first time since school started).  I am still tired, but that is a vast improvement from the fatigue.    I think I have finally figured med school out...if you memorize all the notes before class you will probably get the bonus point (if there is one), and (even more importantly) you will understand what they are saying (since they go over everything at warp speed).  If you read over the notes and pay attention in class, you will be really lucky to get the bonus point (but you will still learn a little).  Of course, the catch is that you don't always have time to review the notes before class; even if you do, sometimes they post the notes right before class starts.  If you want to do well on the test, you have to memorize everything they give you (which is ridiculous), and I'm pretty sure they don't quite give us all the info they test on in histo (he has to make sure no one ever makes a 100%).  At this point I just want to pass...   Jen

Long Week

I know it's only Wednesday, but it has been a really long week and it's not getting any shorter...  My back has been hurting for a couple days now.  It must be the heavy books.  I need to find a second year who needs to practice some OMM. Happy Birthday John!!! Jen

Stinky

Brett has "lovingly" nicknamed me stinky.  On top of that, I smell dead people wherever I go...good times.  Brett fessed up that it's happening to him too.    In the first 4 weeks of school I have learned that my right clavicle is bigger than my left (because I'm right-handed), how to locate my PSIS (just above butt), and how it feels to study relentlessly, learn a lot and still fail a test :-(   I also just said a bad word trying to pronounce an anatomical structure (at least I caught it before I said it in anatomy lab).    They say that every test in med school is like a final (you cover the same amount of material in 3-4 weeks that you cover in 4 months in undergrad).  I'm really getting that now...  Of course the material is different...my undergrad biochem class was the hardest class then, and it's the easiest now...   Everyone says that the first month is the hardest...does that mean it's magically going to get better this week??  I really hope so.    Jen

Drowning

I haven't even been here for a full month, and I'm already failing med school...  The histo test completely blindsided me; I have never taken a test like that before.  I took the lecture portion first.  The questions were ridiculous...I was second guessing the ones I thought I knew, wondering if he was tricking me.  I felt like I literally didn't know anything (and I studied really hard).  I keep wondering if anyone has ever made a "zero".  By the time I got to the lab test, my brain was mushy; I didn't know my right from my left (I couldn't even tell the difference between a plasma cell and a mast cell, and forget about what they secrete).    Before the test this morning, I was hoping (praying) for a passing grade; now I'm just hoping for a "high F".    Jen

Like Living in a Bubble

We can wear scrubs to class every day, if we want, and there are certain times we have to wear them.  So, I've been wearing them 4 days a week (those are the days I have to either change into my anatomy scrubs (yes, I have a special set because they smell so terrible), or wear scrubs to OMM lab.  It's actually really awesome, because I don't have to pick out what I am going to wear (except Fridays) and it's like wearing your jammies to class.    This morning I could smell the "cadaver smell" in our office, and I think my car is starting to get that smell...    I also bought a new backpack (from the bookstore at school - who knew they carried that stuff?  Doesn't everyone already have a backpack??).  This is how exciting my life is now...I think there have been a half a dozen hurricanes, an upcoming presidential election with VP nominations (finally), and something about Houston having to evacuate...but I'm completely protected from that outside world.  It's like I'm living in a bubble...   Jen

Joke

Why wouldn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn't have any guts

Jen

One of Those Days...

This morning, I locked my key in the car (luckily, I was still at home and I just had to find the extra key).  I had to do OMM (manipulation) during lunch - we each have two of those during each semester; so now I'm starving (it was pretty interesting, though).  The zipper on my backpack broke.  I've been fighting with this zipper for years, so it was coming...  Well, things could definitely be worse...I'm still here.   We have to learn the dreaded brachial plexus, which is a very complicated mess of nerves...but I found a really cool PowerPoint that simplifies it, so I'm hoping that will help me learn it much faster.  I think we might have a quiz on it tomorrow...   We've started dissecting the chest and arm in anatomy lab.  There is a pretty thick layer of fat over the upper arm in our cadaver (considering she was so thin).  We have to be careful when removing that fat, because there are superficial nerves and veins that we want to preserve.  One of our profs showed us a technique of rubbing the fat with the handle of the probe, so that it kind of melts and sloughs off - it looks vile, and almost initiates my gag reflex.  Oh well, time to go get dinner.   Jen

Welcome to Med School

Anatomy just kicked my a**   Jen

Learning to Swim

I'll probably sink through the next two exams, but I think I'm starting to figure out how I need to study.  Part of what makes the first round of tests so tough is that we have no idea what to expect.  I think they tried to ease us in with biochem; they gave us review questions that were a similar style to the test questions.    We have a pretty good idea of how the lab practical will go tomorrow...we have to identify 50 structures out of over 300 (if you leave out an important description, like left superior or posterior belly of...you miss it; if you spell it wrong...you miss it).  The tricky part is that you can barely see some of the structures, and you are supposed to know what it is based on location.  Plus, some of the cadavers have variations from the norm and we are expected to be able to figure that out.  And then there's the smell...two of the cadavers smell pretty bad; one of them was embalmed incorrectly, and they are going to replace it after this test.   None of us have any idea what the lecture questions will be like, and we are overwhelmed with material and sources of information.  One classmate compared it to a crap shoot...  I haven't heard of anyone who feels prepared for this test...that makes me feel a little better.   Jen

"I see dead people"

Well, that's a given...apparently, I also smell like dead people (see, you guys don't miss me as much as you thought you did).  Brett has been complaning of a "funny smell" in our upstairs office for about a week (where I do most of my at-home studying); everytime he goes in that room he says it "stinks", and he proceeds to look for the source of the offensive odor.  Of course, he never finds anything...and I can't smell it.    The first week of school I could tell if someone had been in the lab, and I still occassionally get random whiffs of that lovely odor (even when I haven't been in the lab for a couple of days).  A few times, I even thought my food tasted like it (that just goes to show how much affect smell has on taste).  That smell doesn't wash out - I can smell it in my lab scrubs and coat fresh out of the dryer.  It looks like Brett has a very long, smelly semester ahead of him...   Jen

Friday!

I am so glad it's Friday!  Friday night is "date night", so Brett and I actually get to talk for more than a few minutes.   The first home OSU football game is tomorrow - Go Pokes!!...and I will be studying anatomy :-(  I think I will get to go to 2 or 3 games this year, though :-)    I've decided that medical schools are a secret branch of the military (everyone always says the military breaks you down, then builds you back up the way they want you).  That's why they try to fail as many of us as possible on the first anatomy and histology tests; the second years say they are trying to humble us.  It's really not necessary, though; I think most of us already feel humbled....    Jen

"That's Jacked Up"

Try not to be offended if your doctor ever tells you that something about you is "jacked up".  That's an actual medical term; I know this, because they taught it to us in school.  The first year you learn what is normal, so that later you can identify what is "jacked up".   I officially passed my first med school test.  No time to celebrate, though...onto anatomy.  I love how the pictures in anatomy books are so colorful, clear and concise - and everything is exactly where and how it should be; it is nothing like that in lab.  Sometimes it's hard to tell if you're looking at a nerve or an artery (they aren't really bright red and bright yellow, as Netter's (anatomy book) would have you believe).    We did a small lab review today (for the practical portion of the test on Monday).  It's a really good feeling when you can't name the structure in front of you.  Probably most of my class is a little panic-stricken (but the second years keep telling us that the first histo test is the snake that's going to bite us all).  I vaguely remember being really, really excited to start school...   Jen

Post Test

I think I passed the first test - I probably got a "C", which is fine with me.  70 is considered "passing" in every class; 69 is "failing".  We should get our scores in 1 - 2 days.  He had some very tricky questions, and I think I made several mistakes...it will be interesting to see the answers. 

 

I have already started getting ready for our anatomy test...6 days and counting (really, closer to 5).  We have a lecture and a lab portion.  I think the lecture part will be the hardest - there is an incredible amount of information. 

 

Brett is bringing me dinner tonight at the school - yay (I'm starving)!!  He's such a great husband!

 

Jen

First Test

Tomorrow morning is our first test (biochem).  I'm starting to get a little nervous...there are only 30 questions.  The more I study, the less I feel like I know; I just realize how much I still don't have memorized.  I am meeting with a group of classmates this afternoon to review biochem, then we are going to the anatomy lab to identify structures on cadavers (that is the next test - next Monday).  So, the vicious cycle has already begun...we live our lives one exam to the next.  Tomorrow night I start prepping for anatomy.

 

Jen